I found this little guy in the middle of my kitchen.

Huge Spider

As you can probably see, grandmother spider isn’t so little. Somehow, even this picture doesn’t capture how big she was! Just as big as a wolf spider, but definitely NOT a wolf spider. Wolf spiders, for example, are hairy. And .. thicker. This little lady’s legs were actually quite long and slim!

I adore spiders. More than anything. I’ll ruin a friendship doing something violent if I see someone squish them. Makes me very, very upset. Actually, I sort of dropped a girlfriend for telling me about killing a spider.

Anyways, the point is, I had to very gently collect this guy in a jar (definitely an adventure of itself) and tote him outside. It was a warm enough day that he took off right away.

I went back inside, quite relieved to have taken him outside without any damage done to him or me.

And then, I felt it. A sharp, stinging pain on my right ankle. FUCK! This was a distinct pain, one that I’ve felt many, many times before. A spider bite, you say? Oh no. Nothing like that.

Your Mistress, pets, is allergic to ANTS. I guess normal people get bitten by ants all the time and don’t even notice. Formic acid in ant bites, however, makes me swell up a welt as big as a balloon.

This was a tiny brown ant, small as the head of a pin. And he was viciously, VORACIOUSLY snipping into my ankle.

I quickly ran to put baking soda on the wound, and that helped a lot. It still looks pretty gross though. =(

Black Ant Bite

And it’s kept me awake for hours itching every night for two-three days!

You should’ve seen it before my friend told me about the baking soda cure. Whenever I got bit by one of the little monsters, it’d look like an infection. A big swollen hard mass, as wide as my hand, with wavy cellulite-like lines coming away from it in all directions. Like some sort of hideous alien THING.

Anyways, let your lesson for today be: Spiders are angels and ANTS ARE VICIOUS MOTHER FUCKERS, STAY AWAY FROM THEM.

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